Be still Start from nothing. Only when it is quiet inside go forward. Wait until you are quiet inside. This is a practice. Do nothing else except to bring yourself to a still Perhaps then, it is not to fill my time with rubbish, painkillers and entertainment. It is rather to begin from the position of nothing. And then act. Start as nothing. No thought. No regime. No purpose. No ask. Let yourself go completely quiet. Listen. And then act. Only when my pressure is dulled, will I act. Only when it is quiet inside, can I go forward. There it is. It may never be quiet. You said it yourself. Sometimes you have to just brave it, and feel better afterwards. You have to just do it.

lazy. small. nothing. just a space to exist in nothing happening the silence is as important as the interruption silence is sound sound becomes silence an abundance of nil i am not entirely uncomfortable with this empty blue-grey quiet sadness; listless and heavy i am i don’t want to go far nor exert at all. no more shows, for now. just be still. i feel like being still.  u really don’t have to do anything. survive it. is all perhaps. even that is ok atm. vm. is enough. out of time is enough. just gtar is enough. just voice is enough. just noise is enough. just all is enough. anything is enough. it’s all adding to a beautiful final 0. sums to 0. zero. zero zero sans plan. sans clue. sans stratagem. sans agenda. sans artifice. i exist. i was here. david was here. soft. quiet. slow. less. quiet. soft. less. slow. slow. less. soft. quiet. less. slow. quiet. soft. clarity goidbye power

To be noticed To be praised To be valued as a member of the group And then I disdained the group Shunned them Exiled myself I haven’t been keeping fit - or as fit as I could/should idk I think this has given me license to abuse myself The physical activity and thoughtless violent absorption I need Like sex (or to be close to death) to release energy Exercise can help in that In so many ways You will give yourself less license to abuse yourself Tho, better than that, art There is a thrill in the dreaming/making/birthing/moulding/living in it Losing material concern Becoming transfixed so close to death sometimes, it's incredible A different exercise A terrible desire to be there again and again and again This is more whole; a just exile. not perfect. just can. must.

I have been going thru what I called to -, turbulence. Take care of yourself -: You are responsible for you.

do no harm

count your blessings. gratitudes also for every individual in your life right now. knowing their best qualities, speak them to yourself. recall, having fun. we have the power dreamers of dreams at play at heart and those who danced were mad to those who could not hear the music also, when u think ur hate will never dissipate, and you give others no chance; you assume a good act always stems from selfishness, and that that is bad. when ur inclined that way and expect the worst of everyone, assuming the worst, people might surprise you. the misanthropy almost cures itself. and she did surprise me, and i felt so stupid for what i'd thought before. that the full picture is more muddied and mixed than clear. not dark, not light. not anything really (except what you put upon it). JUDGMENT! / JUDGEMENT! we are simply somewhere in-between. between the length i stood. not there (yet), and not here still x.

leave go., levd gon. lev gond. lev gon. get out of what u know. move -> moved.

dreams ive killed it can feel too close. it can feel too real. his nightmares were of spirals, and it has taken time to see its hold i kissed her eyes i kiss your tears "something good will come out of this". what is the plan? where do we go now? what is it? where is it? how will it affect me? the question so often inside is 'what to do with the time i have?' . is it mine? thought of death sobered me, it all became so simple, my priorities - all the order shaken until just the core remained - i just keep forgetting. knowledge not yet sunk in properly i danced to fatality Your progress whatever you do is important to me and l apologise for my recent negative attitude towards you- It still bothers me that l interfered at all.l assure you it will not happen again. i ask too much. i am asking too much of everything. stop here- imagine no overarching story or truth even ignore what do you know? well, i find myself here with all these things around me i see out of this being alone how much do u care how this goes? how invested are you? (why?) why does it matter if it goes your way? why do u deserve and him/her not? i find myself here with all these things around me i see out of this being alone and you know that nothing has changed for so long it has been exactly as it is what we will know, was always there to be known (maybe) this godless world nothing would change the emergence of the most high superintelligence nothing changes we will have made God but then again no God-power things approximate towards get close yet don't touch in the way there was God so it has always been and shall be an artificial superintelligence takes up the mantle may create/destroy/preserve at will we may no longer understand the reason and there comes faith you will realise, after a time, that to try to Reason it is not going to help you there is a giving in seeing its almighty power behold in awe God doing as has always been done and u can pray u can plead but need it listen to you? ask urself why should it listen? for God has a plan will be biblical one way i can change one change i can make i will be myself again no overarching story or truth even and so what shall i do? play guitar sing toy w the wrekj tinker make smt sing cry write w embers on a structure still standing ekobrozi's pilot if we make it there we'll play sticks n stones we'll make smt w the wrekj tru jank out of what remains squat gaze and think barely a foot before me dumb af made dumb and so shall it be

x.